The Power of Ackowledgement
Have you ever had someone keep harping on and on ad nauseum about something like a gripe directed at you or elsewhere? When they do, do things seem to escalate because you're countering with your own angry rebuttal, then they counterattack and it keeps going on until someone stomps off and slams the door? If you haven't experienced this, then you must be one of those people who have lived in a dark cave for years to study the effects of isolation in human beings. The best way to stop things from getting out of hand is to acknowledge the other person's feelings. When people don't feel acknowledged, they keep drilling. So instead of saying, "Yeah, but you were being rude to me too when you blah blah blah..." say "I know what I said hurt your feelings and I'm sorry." (Don't add qualifiers like ",but when you blah blah, it makes me mad." Bring up your gripes separately. Don't attach them to your apology or acknowledgement.) After you acknowledge the other person, you'll see an amazing transformation. They'll melt before your eyes and start apologizing for what they did as well. It's like a stop button that puts and end to the drilling. Of curse, if the person isn't used to being acknowledged by you, you might have to repeat your acknowledgement a few times, but it will work. I promise. Fights that don't end are usually caused by a lack of acknowledgement.