Seriously depressing
It's official. I'm hopelessly depressed. Why, you ask? (If you don't you sick in the compassion department, but I still love you.) I'm depressed because I was struck by the epiphany htat I'm a failure as a human being. Why, you again ask (this is your secnd chance.)? Because despite countless hours of tutoring by my children, I still can't burp on command. Yes, I know. It's shameful. My four year old can do it, why the hell can't I? Think of the disgrace. Think of the lost opportunities to put that extra zing into parties. Think of the humiliation to, not only me, but my entire family.So, what's an untalented mom like me to do? My kids think I'm a weird reject because of this horrid flaw, but sadly, my warranty expired decades ago. Can an anomaly like me survive the cruel streets alone and unarmed by eructations? Will I be shunned--worse yet, banished to a lepper colony? Any words of encouragement would be appreciated. I'm at the end of my rope, seeking for a reason to live. Tomorrow: the miserable saga of my whistling woes. I hope you have the stomach for it. Send good thoughts my way.
Comments
Last year, after 15 years of marriage, I learned that my husband could say the entire alphabet while eructating. Appearently, he honed his skill as the youngest of a household of boys but thought it unwise to use this particular talent as a method of attacting a mate. Anyway, as my 10 year-old daughter also seems to posses her God-given talent and enthusiasm for belching, maybe it is an inherited trait. Some people have perfect pitch, thick wavy hair or ESP. Others can belch with the band. You may have to but he CD.
Posted by: Louise | January 8, 2004 01:01 AM