Elisa's Journal

Getting men to cough up the details is just about as easy as yanking those annoying little stickers off a new CD or opening up a package of peanuts on Southwest Airlines. If you plan on doing any of these, may I suggest first arming yourself with a crowbar and some industrial tongs. For instance, the other day, my husband spent an hour talking to his family in Norway. Eager to know the current scoop, I asked, "Well, what did they say?" His reponse: "Oh, nothing much." How in the hell can 'nothing much' translate into 60 minutes of lively banter. Were they speaking in some Norwegian version of Pig Latin which lengthened every sentence to the equivalent of the word count in the MN volume of the Encyclopedia Britannica? Was he suffering from short term memory? (Oh, that's right. That's my job.) So I pressed on, "Nothing? You mean the phone now translates sign language? Pretty cool." He replied, "Oh, well, they all said "hi." Tell ya what, they sure put their all into their greetings if it took that long. Can't imagine what would have happened had Lincoln been a Norwegian. The Gettyburg address would just now be winding down to a finish.

It's so infuriating and unrequiting. My girlfriends and I can embellish our three minute conversations into a three hour recap. So now, I try to listen in on the conversation. Rune hates this because I'm always interjecting with various questions and telling im to relay important information from me. It's hard for guys to listen to two people at the same time. ( After all, these are the same beings who must turn down the radio to find their way around in a car.) Us girls, on the other hand, can talk and listen and compose our next thought, file our nails, review the grocery list and help the kdis with their homework all silmultaneously. I think all females mustbe related to those guys in the magic shows who spin 25 different plates on those tall skinny poles. ANywho, moving on: So, he invariably hollers out some snide remark about me and cue cards. I dunno. I wasn't listening.