Rules for Life
Sometimes we need to remember WHAT the REAL Rules of Life
really are. Are the rest are merely imposters created to make sages and philosophers feel important and seem alot smarter than they really are:
1. Never give yourself a haircut after three
alcoholic beverages of any
kind.
2. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and
it should, use the WD-40. If it moves and it
shouldn't, use the duct
tape.
3. The five most essential words for a healthy,
vital relationship are
"I apologize" and "You are right."
4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.This, sadly, includes husbands.
5. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.(That's just giving me gross visuals.)
6. The only really good advice that your mother ever gave you was: "Go! You might meet somebody!"
7. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her - believe them.
8. Learn to pick your battles. Ask yourself, "Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?" For you guys that have short term memory problems like me, skip to #9.
9. Never pass up an opportunity to pee. This is EXTREMELY important for us moms who, after aving several kids, keep tripping over their cervixes while they walk.
10.If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance! (Even if you don't deserve it.)
11. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you. Sure miserable feels good sometimes and it gives us plenty of martyrdom material but...
12. Work is good, but it's not that important. (There's always food stamps, right?)
13. And finally; Be really nice to your friends and family. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.(Was this list created by a urologist. Hmmm. I wonder.)