Spa or No Spa
Maybe it's a mom thing, I don't know. I just am not a spa woman. You can tell from a mile away, too. My fingernails have never seen a manicurist. Enron could have used them as paper shredders. And why bother when minutes later I'm going to be digging Gummi Bears out of the drink holders of my SUV? My feet... Well, what can I say. My husband rightfully claims they're the ugliest part of my body. Personally, I could think of other body parts as better contenders for that title, but, that's a blog entry unto itself. At this point, they're beyond a pedicurists touch. In fact, sandblasting might not make a dent. Fortunately, there's always socks. Yep, even with sandals. As for nail polish for either fingers or toes, it never lasts more than 5 hours on me because it's soooo satisfying to peel it off. I'm the kid in grade school that loved covering her fingernails with Elmer's glue and peeling it off after it had dried.
What about facials, you say? Forget it. I have no time or interest in listening to some shrimpy Vietnamese woman count my zits and take note of my extra hairs. As for my wrinkles, I'm holding out for later on when the grooves are deep enough to plant a potato crop. You never know in this economy...
Lately, I have tried to vamp up my sex appeal, though. Ever since I watched Calendar Girls, I renewed my faith that middle aged women like me still have a place in this world--that we can still turn heads. This meant actually wearing something other than jeans and a ratty t-shirt. It meant changing my Hanes Your Way underwear to, yep, thongs. I admit I resisted the idea for years. I mean, did I really want to pick at a permanent wedgie? The first time I wore one, every time I walked it felt like farm animals were grazing in my crack. Plus, I had a hell of a time figuring out how to put the blasted things on! Naturally I put them on backwards. A couple of times I walked out of the house with my legs through a hip whole and my hip through one of the leg holes. I walked around like a walrus with a corncob stuck up its butt. But, I'm happy to report it's getting easier for me. I just hope I don't get crack blisters when I work out on the Ellipticizer today.