Elisa's Journal

One of the most notorious things we parents have to go through is toilet training our kids. Especially boy! Having learned alot from rearing my own five kids, let me share some tips with you:

1. Take heart in knowing that your child won't be wearing pullups to the senior prom. Eventually, it'll work out. But kids mature at different rates and boys usually lag behind girls.The most important thing to remember is never show your frustration or worry to the kid. If they get wind of the fact that you're upset or if you ridicule, reprimand, punish or criticize them for their accidents, it becomes clear to them that solving their potty training problems is more important to you than to them. So they can use it against you via manipulative ploys, attention-seeking, or revenge tactics. Stay cool, calm and collected.

2. Make sure they clean up after themselves if they're old enough. They can wipe up their own pee, pick poop up and place it in the toilet, help cean their own sheets or clothes. But never force them to. If they resist, give them a choice: "What do you want to do, take the sheets off the bed, or put soap in the washing machine and push the button?" (With your supervision.) "What do you want to do, pick up the poop and put it in the potty or take this paper towel and windex and clean the tile afterwards?" If they're not old enough, make an impartial observation: "I see you pooped in your pullups," followed by giving them objective information: "Poop belongs in the potty." Then make sure they see you put it in the proper place."

3. Never bribe or reward. If they do it right, make an impartial observation: "I noticed you pooped in the potty! I bet you're proud!" (Never tell them "I'm proud of you," because this is the same as saying: "Let my level of pride be how you measure your performance and self-worth." This fosters approval seeking, which is linked to poor peer pressure resistance. It's better for them to develop their own inner praise mechanism by using statements that get tehm to assess themselves: "Am I proud? Well, yes, I guess I am. I'm one step closer to being a big boy."

4. Let them help pick out new purchases like training pants and potty chairs.

5. If you can, have them go around the house the whole day (two or three if you can!) with no underwear or diapers and keep a close watch on them. If they hide in a corner or behind furniture, if they make grunting sounds or turn red in the face, either ask them to sit on the potty or place them there yourself. If you're too late, put the poop in the potty chair so they know where it goes, rather than putting it in the big toilet. You can do that after you've made the connection clear. They usually poop within thirty minutes of eating. If they grab their crotch, do the same--remind them to go in the potty chair or takehey them their yourself.

6. Don't let them drink past 8:00 P.M. (or at least an hour before bedtime) and make sure they empty their bladders.

7. For those bedwetters, buy an enuresis alarm. You can fine several online using this as a search term. I used "DryTime" for mine. Basically, it's a pad with sensors that go into their undies/pullups. As soon as a drop of water hits it, the most annoying alarm in the world wakes them. I had mine sleep by my bed the first few night because I didn't trust myself to get upstairs to them quickly enough, and my two boys were such sound sleepers, I wasn't sure a stampede of buffalo would awaken them, much less the alarm. It took one week to achieve 100% month after month dryness.

Hope that helps. Be sure to try winning the title contest in my weblog if you want 100 smackers!