Motherhood, the Anti-IQ
Do you ever get the feeling that your IQ is in a runaway free fall, plummeting toward moronic levels with all the speed of a meteorite? If you answered no, you're either lying (you beast) or I have every reason to hate the very ground you walk on. No rose petals tossed in front of your feet, lady. Okay, the thing goes beyond just forgetfulness. It's about trying to put both earrings in the same hole--for several minutes, no less. It's about having to run through the first syllable of every kid before settling on the right one. All my kids think they're named "KristErLuAnMi." Hmm. Kinda catchy. A few months back, I remember trying to get ready to leave one of my kid's birthday parties at Benihanas (before the camera crew from "Cops" comes to film the event) and the last thing on my "get ready" list was to put my shoes back on so they can finish torturing (with wild abandon) my abused 48 year old feet. And no, I wasn't trying to put the right on the left or put both shoes on the same foot (that's a Blog entry for another day.)I had my left shoe on and was trying desperately to put on the right one, but it wouldn't cooperate. At first I thought I was trying to wiggle it on backwards, but that proved wrong. While I was about to come to the conclusion that a corn the size of Reliant Stadium sprang up within the hour, my toes finally found there place. After hobbling a few feet forward, I realized my mistake. I had just put on my video camera--slipping my foot through the handle. Boy did I get some looks from the crowd. Talk about weird. I'm only hoping some thought it was the latest Prada fashion but I don't hold out much hope. Oh well.