Fifteen Signs that You're a Mom
1) You hear a small voice cry out "mom" in the grocery store and you reply, "Yes?" Never mind that your youngest is now in college.
2) Your stomach has so many stretch marks, it looks like an air traffic controller's screen at La Guardia.
3) You carry "Wet Ones" in your purse, glove compartment, and, just in case, in every pocket.
4) Your hand has long been converted into a trash receptacle for old gum, candy wrappers, snotty kleenexes, and vomit.
5) Your childless friends repeatedly ask you how you are with a look of pity that leaves you wondering if your the last one to know you've been diagnosed with cancer.
6) Your childless friends don't call anymore.
7) You have no friends (at least none over 48 inches.)
8) You do third grade homework.
9) You've traded your Miata in for a Suburban.
10) You suffer from chronic carbon monoxide poisoning from the many hours spent in the carpool line.
11) You know the names of all the Teletubbies.
12) You hum the theme to Sesame Street.
13) You "spit clean" not only your children's faces, but your husband's too.
14) You absentmindedly start cutting up your husband's steak for him.
15) You're completely and utterly exhausted nearly all the time.
16) (Bonus) You feel complete and utter love and happiness when you snuggle with your child