Ten Signs You've Been Around the Christmas Block a Few Times
You know you've got a million Christmases under your belt if: (OK, so I don't know how to spell Christmasses. Kiss my Christm-ass if you have a problem with that)
1) The presents you buy for the kids are getting smaller, but more expensive.
2) You have to shake the rat shit out of your fake tree when you get it out of the attic.
3) You wonder 'Do I really have to put up decorations this year or will the neighbors freak?'
4) After years of getting electric skillets and fishing gear from your husband, you break down and hand him your list. Better yet, you buy your own present and label it to yourself from your hubbie.
5) You start reflecting on Judaism's appeal.
6) You're sooo over including two page letters in your Christmas cards cuz nobody gives a rat's ass about your tooth fairy's visits, Aunt Mildred's hip replacement, or you kids' stellar report cards.
7) You care more about sitting on Santa's lap than your kids do. Hey, he's finally younger than you are. Bummer, eh?
8) You let out an evil chuckle at the thought of lighting a fire in the fireplace and putting out Triscuits and water for Santa on Christmas Eve.
9) You mutter "Bah Humbug" more than 127 times a day.
10) You can actually see the similarities between Christmas shopping and trauma surgery or wisdom tooth extraction.
That said, Merry Chrismakwanzakka to everyone!!!