Near Miss
I was in the line at McDonald's today getting my usual large coffee, being the creature of habit that I am, when a cop pulled up in line behind me. And no, I wasn't afraid he's start flashing his lights and running my plates for outstanding warrants (although I DID get a ticket for forgetting about the school zone 5 minutes after it started because at that point I had NOT ordered my large coffee...) Where was I? Oh yeah. Anyway, when I got to the window to pay, I asked the cashier, Maribel (scary that I'm on a first name basis with all the employees there) to let me pay for the cop's order too. She looked at me kinda funny and complied. $3.56. Thank god he wasn't ordering for the entire station. But hey, I throw caution to the wind. A real risk taker. Anyway, where was I again? Oh yeah. So I pulled up to the second window, watching warily as he received the news from Maribel. Usually, I like to make it totally anonymous, meaning I have to hurry like Hell, squealing tires notwithstanding. I mean, it loses it's punch if the recipient of my generosity knows it's me. I don't want him to think I'm trying to buy him off, butter him up, etc. But damned if the woman at the second window didn't engage in a lengthy McDonald's rendition of twenty questions! "Would you like cream or sugar?" "Cream please." "Do you want 2 or three?" "Just one, thank you." "Like a stirrer with that?" "No, I'll use my friggin fingers if I have to but get me the hell out of here!" The cop is pulling up to me. Jesus. I duck in my seat, hoping against hope that he'll think my car is one of those new experimental unmanned vehicles under the complete control of a remote NASA station in Cape Canaveral. "Napkins, miss?" "Yes, give me a whole stack so I can have my choice of either stuffing them in your mouth to shut you up or fashioning a Berka to disguise myself." Long story not so long, I got out of there in the nick of time, pulling away just as I heard the honking pleas from his patrol car. First time I've had to flee from the law. Awesome. All that excitement for only $3.56.