Tooth Fairy Blues
Kids seem to lose teeth at different rates. For instance, some lose one every 6-8 months while others shed them as though it were wheat harvesting season. The latter pegs my youngest daughter, Annika, to a tee. Nothing for years. Then, within a week, people start asking me when I decided to sign her up for hockey. Hell, you could run a Peterbilt 18-wheeler double wide through a couple of those spaces. In some ways, this has made life easier for her. She now has handy little straw holders in her mouth. She can make all sorts of interesting sounds that she wasn't able to make before--sounds with serve to enrich her skatelogical humor, of course. (Look it up, lazybones.) Plus, she's raking in a veritable fortune in Tooth Fairy dough. For me, there's only one advantage: it's a helluva lot easier getting her up in the morning when I shout out, "Get up and see if the Tooth Fairy left you anything" compared to "Get up and take a bathe, eat, and unload the dishwasher so you can get to school on time." The rest are downsides. First, I have to remember to make the swap. This requires me to stay up longer than she does which, as I've grown older, has become no easy feat. Usually she's barely asleep,meaning I have to be particularly stealthful and lighthanded. In my extensive experience, this is tough when your eyelids are propped open by toothpicks. If she does awaken, I have to scramble for answers to questions like, "Mommy, why is your hand under my pillow? Are you stealing my Tooth Fairy money?" Plus, it usually takes some time to calm her hysterics at the site of Mommy Dearest coming at her with eyes the size of salad plates and lids skewered with toothpicks. I can only imagine the therapy bills that loom in our future. And she usually loses her teeth at around 10:30 at night, meaning I better have correct change or else. I'll scour the sofa cushions before I plunk a 20 under her pillow. Plus, I don't think she accepts Visa or Mastercard. Last, losing all those teeth at once can strain the ol' pocketbook (sadly, that word probably certifies me as a genuine antique.) If she loses any more, the Tooth Fairy's gonna have to file Chapter 13. Makes Community College look pretty sweet, actually. On a positive note, I always know who to hit up for a loan.