Toilet Seat Blues and Other Whatnots
Okay, I have no idea what a "whatnot" is, but it sounds so silly, I couldn't resist using it. Anyway, for all you mom's out there with sons, I hereby call for a collective march on Washington to insist the legislature pass a law requiring all home builders to install urinals in the bathrooms. The One Million Urinals March. Seriously, my son's bathroom looks like he's being playing the part of gunner in an F-15 fighter for TopGun 2, mistaking his weenie for an AK-47. I don't care how poor your eye hand coordination is, no one should be so off target. Sure, we have him clean it up, we send him to bed earlier, we charge him money, so short of having him mop his splatters it up with his tongue, which might be a tad degrading, I'm at a loss. Guys need to sit down, there's no 2 ways about it. Putting the seat up and whizzing away doesn't do a bit of good when the toilet rim and a two yard radius of tile flooring is drenched in pee. Do we have to install toilet seat warmers to convince them? Or how 'bout debunking the "real mean don't sit" myth by making public service commercials showing The Rock or Tom Cruise peeing while sitting. I would have used Arnold, but I have no idea how to spell his name. Still, it'd be cool to hear him say, "Sit your ass down if you want to live." Anyway, welcome to my pee-infested hell. Now, moving along to less disgusting stuff. I'm alittle concerned about my daughter's education. Yesterday, she was recounting her daily school schedule with great enthusiasm and in painful detail. Then, she told me which subjects she liked the best and which she liked the least. Her favorite: language arts. Why? Because it's the "funnest." Hmmm. She also wants to join the FFA next year. No problem here. Let those smelling critters bunk across the freeway for a change. I don't think she's going to grow up plowing the back forty or anything. I just think she loves raising and taking care of animals. She wrote a note on a Post-It while I was out on date night that read; "How odd do you have to be to join the FFA." I think she meant "How OLD do you have to be..." buy I can't swear to it. She's still pining away for a kitten, and I have no problem with that. In fact, last time I spoke with him about it, Rune seemed reluctantly okay about it too, but now he's saying no way. I guess I have to pull the big guns and manipulate him mercilessly. Any suggestions, Kathy?