Elisa's Journal

I've never really been addicted to anything except peace and quiet and Cinnabon rolls, but lately, I've become a Desperate Housewives junkie. For instance, when we went to Florida for the weekend, I made it VERY clear to my husband that I had but one request: that we get back in time for the 8:00 PM Desperate Housewives show. But can you really trust a husband with remembering anything that doesn't involve duct tape or dual overhead cams? I think not. So we were woefully late and I was livid enough to embark in that all too unsettling silent treatment that we desperate housewives have honed to perfection. Fortunately, my fellow junkie, Kathy, agreed to tape the show for me (how can you refuse a groveling husband on his knees begging for mercy?) So I did get to mainline my show with gusto. Now, as I'm getting ready to go to Norway for three episodes (yes, that's how I measure time, now.) I find myself asking 'Do I really need to travel with my family or should I stay behind and take care of the dogs, weed the garden, and, oh yeah, I almost forgot, watch Desperate Housewives?' Tough call.

Anyway, I will say goodbye for now. Things are so hectic I have to neglect my blog until after I get back. Everyone have a wonderful and safe holiday!!

Posted by elisa at 09:20 AM | Permalink

The more I read about this subject, the more I'm convinced that essential fatty acids deficiency is the scurvy of the 21st century. Do you know that almost all Americans are deficient in Omega-3 fatty acids and that this may well explain why we have all the modern diseases we do, including the surge in ADHD, Bipolar disease, Alzheimers (too late for me, of course) and other mental illnesses? Do you know that since we've moved from our omega-3 rich paleolithic diets to our omega-3 absent, over-processed and hydrogenized industrial age diets our brains, which have, since man's origin, been continually increasing in size have now decreased iin size by 10% since the mid 20th century. The 10% is a ballpark number. I'm sure it's a Bell curve and I'm on the wrong end of it. Since I've taken the Omega-3 I don't crave sweets, carbs or alcohol, I've lost weight, my skin is softer, and my mood is better (even with the kids around and Christmas looming like an evil jackal). Hmm. I kinda sounded sacriligious there.I guess I can expect either to be smited by lightening bolts or be greeted by coal in my stocking now.

Posted by elisa at 08:53 AM | Permalink

You know you've got a million Christmases under your belt if: (OK, so I don't know how to spell Christmasses. Kiss my Christm-ass if you have a problem with that)

1) The presents you buy for the kids are getting smaller, but more expensive.

2) You have to shake the rat shit out of your fake tree when you get it out of the attic.

3) You wonder 'Do I really have to put up decorations this year or will the neighbors freak?'

4) After years of getting electric skillets and fishing gear from your husband, you break down and hand him your list. Better yet, you buy your own present and label it to yourself from your hubbie.

5) You start reflecting on Judaism's appeal.

6) You're sooo over including two page letters in your Christmas cards cuz nobody gives a rat's ass about your tooth fairy's visits, Aunt Mildred's hip replacement, or you kids' stellar report cards.

7) You care more about sitting on Santa's lap than your kids do. Hey, he's finally younger than you are. Bummer, eh?

8) You let out an evil chuckle at the thought of lighting a fire in the fireplace and putting out Triscuits and water for Santa on Christmas Eve.

9) You mutter "Bah Humbug" more than 127 times a day.

10) You can actually see the similarities between Christmas shopping and trauma surgery or wisdom tooth extraction.

That said, Merry Chrismakwanzakka to everyone!!!

Posted by elisa at 09:16 AM | Permalink

Well, my homecooked meals have been a huge success lately. I've been collaborating with Kathy (the neighbor whose charitable dinner invitations have been the only thing staving off rickets and scurvy in our household.) Modeling her experience and know-how, I made a pork tenderloin and potatoes au gratin ALMOST as good as hers (but I don't aspire to any better than that.) Last night I cooked, as per her suggestion, homemade fried chicken tenders, corn on the cob and mashed potatoes with homestyle white gravy. Yum. Even Michelle sat at the table and ate--and for longer than 5 minutes, too! Today, I'm trying my hand at a pot roast with all the veges. My hands are slowly evolving into oven mits and I know I'm going to develop some chronic lung disease related to flour inhalation some day, but it'll all be worth it.

Posted by elisa at 10:03 AM | Permalink

Years ago, Rune took over the job of cooking since I pretty much take on the childrearing and homework and homeschool duties. But recently, our eating habits have degraded seriously. I mean, how nurturing is a week of dinners that consists of a baking sheet full of chicken strips, chinese take-out, dominoes, cereal, and fish sticks? The kids sit down at dinner and see it as a means to squelch hunger pangs not as a nurturing family event. From now on, I'm taking over. The kids are getting homecooked meals every day. This morning, I made them bacon, eggs, and cinnamon toast. I'm baking homemade cookies for when they come home. Don't ask me how long it'll last, though.

Posted by elisa at 08:38 AM | Permalink

OMG, I've fallen out of bed into La-La Land. I don't know what's gotten into Lukas, my 12 year old, but today he has the attention span of a gnat embryo. It's like aliens teflon-coated his brain during the night. He and Erik homeschool together and within the first two hours, he finished one subject, vocabulary. Mind you, he hasn't been completely unproductive. There are drawings of butts and penises all over my breakfast table, which he is cleaning up as we speak. There are lovely highlighter paintings of happy faces covering his arms and face. There are doodlings in every square millimeter of white on his workbooks. And he's been a nonstop source of verbal nonsense from sunup. Looks like he'll be finishing up around midnight at this rate. Hey, as long as I don't miss tonight's episode of "Lost" and since I've passed 6th grade, I won't make it my problem now, will I? Damn straight I won't.

Posted by elisa at 12:07 PM | Permalink