Christmas Cards
I don't completely get the whole Christmas card tradition. It's gotten to be more of a compulsion based on shame more than anything else. First of all, how many of them do you read and think, "OMG, how awesome is this artistic masterpiece! I'm saving it forever in my special box of treasures." Yeah, I didn't think so. Hell, I don't even recognize some of the people's names on hte return address! Even when the card has a picture, it's like, "nope, haven't a clue." Then there are the pangs of guilt when you throw them away, so I have 213 of them on my mantel for a few weeks. Trying to get them to stand up is a booger. One falls and it's the hole house of cards stunt. I always enjoy the cards that are letters bringing me up to date on the family gossip, but the two-pagers describing everything from the new dishwasher they bought and Johnny's 12 year-old molars finally coming in are tedious. Christmas is way to busy for me to read a letter that will be published in paperback soon. Those photo Christmas cards are cool, but I don't like it when the photo is of the kids only. I'm like, "Are these the kids I sponsor from Children International?" "Are they orphans dropping a hint?" "Did their parents flee from home? They look like little devil." But those pets-only pictures are the worse. I picture the sender dying at the age of 95 in a room with 5,000 cats, some of who are nibbling at fingers and toes. My biggest fear is sending a Merry Christmas card to non-Christians but I don't keep tabs of my friends' religion and I'm not about to buy Happy Hanukkah, Happy Jihad, Happy Hinduism, Happy Buddha, Happy Winter Solstice and Happy Kwanzaa cards too. I say we scrap the whole thing. You can always given them a Christmas Superpoke on their Facebook page.