Quiz: Are You Raising Independent Thinkers?


by Dr. Elisa Medhus

1) My refrigerator door is covered with:

All of my child’s schoolwork that required the most effort.

Only my child’s perfect, 100 A+ work.

My grocery list, calendar and to-do list or absolutely nothing.

2) When my child makes the wrong choices, I:

Let her suffer the logical consequences of her actions.

Tell her what the correct choice would have been.

Scold or criticize her so she won’t make the same mistake in the
future.

3) I praise my child by:

Telling him how wonderful, great, awesome and fantastic he is.

Describing the specific highpoints of his accomplishment.

Telling him how proud I am of him.

4) When my child finds herself in a difficult situation, I usually:

Take over immediately and chide her for falling short.

Let her figure it out for herself. If she asks for help, I use
questions to help guide her.

Take over immediately, and tell her she’s too little to handle
it.

5) Whenever my child lies, I:

Yell, scold and criticize as much as I dare.

Interrogate him with bright lights and bamboo splinters until
he comes clean.

Concentrate on getting him to resolve the problems the lie creates
rather than forcing him to tell the truth.

6) When my child fails at something, I:

Fuss at her for not living up to my expectations and levy an appropriate
punishment.

Tell her I’m disappointed in her.

Praise her for her attempt and encourage her to try again.

7) Whenever my child has a hunch about something, I:

Tell him he’s nuts. There’s no such nonsense as crystal balls
and ESP.

Ignore him and start balancing my checkbook or clipping my toenails.

Encourage him to go with his feelings.

8 ) When it comes to buying the latest fashions for my kid:

I’m there at the mall. No one’s gonna look more hip than my little
princess!

I eventually buckle under the pressure and buy her whatever everyone
else is wearing. Hey, what’s wrong with a second mortgage?

I stick with what looks nice, is comfortable and stays within
our budget.

9) As far as peer groups go:

I thrive on my kid being one of the popular kids and crater when
he’s one of the nerds.

I’d be a little bit disappointed to find out my kid hangs with
the “losers,” but hey, he’s a nice guy, so maybe he’s
just feeling sorry for them.

I want my kid to hang with those whose company he enjoys, whose
morals match his and who accept him warmly.

10) I tell my kid what to do:

Every chance I can. I have her on auto-pilot to make my life easier.

Only when I’m rushed and don’t have time for her to figure it
out for herself.

Only when she’s completely stumped and needs direction, especially
if not giving her that guidance would have dire or even dangerous consequences.

11) When my child’s not being entirely honest with himself, I:

Call him on the carpet. I never let my kid get away with pulling
the wool over his own eyes.

Usually let it slide unless it messes with my life.

Let it slide all the time, because I don’t have time to mess with
it or I don’t want to open Pandora’s little box of hollering,
tears, lies and whines.

12) I tell my child I love her:

Every chance I get, especially when she needs it the most.

Only when she behaves according to my expectations.

On her birthday. If I’m in a really good mood.

13) I want my kid to:

Be the best at everything he does. Crush the competition. It’s
a jungle out there.

Strive for personal excellence in all that interests him.

Be the best at those things he can easily master and stay away
from those things he’s sure to fail at. I don’t want my kid to
look stupid!

14) I’m __________concerned about my kid’s looks:

Very

Not

Sort of

15) When I talk to my kid, I use the words “don’t,” “stop,” “can’t,”
“quit” and “no:”

Hardly ever

Sometimes.

In practically every sentence I utter.

16) I discuss my own past mistakes with my kid:

Never

Very seldom

Whenever it might help her

17) When my kid acts shy in front of one of my friends, I:

Tell him there’s nothing to be afraid of and encourage him to
say something like “hello.”

Scold him for being rude and make him say something. Anything!

Leave him alone.

18) My primary form of punishment is:

Rendering a logical consequence without yelling or criticizing.

Yelling, criticizing and sometimes hitting

Giving consequences that don’t necessarily fit the crime, like
grounding her for being sassy or making her write, “I will not bite Sammy” 300 times.

19) When I mess up with my kid, I:

Don’t say anything. I don’t want him to know I’m less than perfect.

Find some way to make it his fault. “The reason I hit you was
because you made me so angry!”

Apologize sincerely.

20) I’m proud of my kid:

For the person he’s trying to become. I want him to be a neurosurgeon
and make his old man proud.

For the person he is now and for the person he strives to be in
the future.

Whenever he does the right thing.

21) When my child makes bad grades, I blame:

Her teacher, because she must be doing something wrong. My kid’s a genius!

Her, but without teasing or criticizing. We just find ways, together, to improve her study habits for the future.

Bad genes. I was rotten in math, too.

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